-Lockdown Adjustment & Partner Resentment-
I didn’t really want to bring up good Ol’Rona on my blogs. We all hear far too much about it and its just getting in the way of peoples plans and just making 2020 a bit of a crap year…right?
But to have a lockdown baby or even to be (like me) on maternity leave during lockdown has no doubt, been one of the hardest parts of George being here. I wanted to voice my personal experience about it and maybe you guys can relate?
George was just seven months old when lockdown hit. I wasn’t due back to work for another five months and my partners full time job didn’t look like it was safe. Luckily, he managed to work throughout, due to working solely on his own in an empty house. However, that left me high and dry to deal with George by myself, indoors and worried about the world around us and catching this new and incredibly scary virus that we, at this, time knew nothing about.
Now, I shouldn’t complain because, yes financially we were ok. Yes, there were touch and go moments where we thought my partner may not be able to work because he couldn’t hold of the materials he needed to do his job. But he was ok, we got through.
However, I did find that my position as a full time stay at home mum came under a lot of strain at this point. Being the “default” parent, my whole world very quickly became four walls and a baby. I tried my hardest to keep positive, playing games and keeping George active and learning. At this time he wasn’t crawling and had only just about mastered sitting up. So there wasn’t too much we could do. I filled big mixing bowls with water and let him splash around in the front room for hours on wet days and pulled the paddling pool out on hotter days. I didn’t mind filling the time too much at the beginning, I didn’t mind having that uninterrupted time with George. Until about 2 months in, I became very aware that my emotions had somewhat heightened. I was talking to one of my best friends who has a baby just one month older than George. We would check in on each other to make sure we had showered and were ok. One day I saw that her little one was standing on her own! I couldn’t believe she had developed so quickly and was able to do that! I was so proud, yet when I looked at George I couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t developing as quick, then I started to fixate on it. I started to think. Actually, George hasn’t changed much in his development in almost three months?! This was 100% the lockdown fever getting to me. Just having one new mum to talk to about this rather than being at an indoor soft play, go to baby classes or even play at the playground, talking to other mums and seeing their little ones... We couldn’t see family; we couldn’t have playdates with friends. It was all via our phones, facetime or video chat. I quickly got over this and just reminded myself that all babies are different and develop at different times. I also heard somewhere that boys tend to be a little lazier than girls… but that’s by the by. But Georges little interaction with other people left me so so worried about my return to work and him starting nursery. Afterall, he had only known me for all this time. I also couldn’t help but feel robbed of my maternity leave, I felt like I was the only one that got to soak him up when I wanted to share him with the world. Show him so much, do things with him BEFORE he started walking. I mostly struggled with the ruthlessness of it all. Constant 24/7 baby. No breaks, not time away…. Nada. Although, I love George with all my heart… we all need a break.
My partners life didn’t change much but mine did a 360. This then put a strain on our relationship, I envied him. I envied that he had alone time. He had a lunch break, he had time to shower and come home and just relax and switch off from work. He had a COMMUTE! Ohh what I would of done for a commute. It was hard, it was mentally and physically tough. This was actually when I decided to start Byron & Medina, I needed to focus my mind on something other than George, I actually believe that Byron & Medina is the main reason I managed to make it through.
To any new mums that had to go through lockdown with a little one, I commend you. It was hard but we got through and if we need to do it again, we will get though AGAIN. Make sure you have a few mums you can reach out too! There’s a great apps called MUSH & Peanut where you can meet other women to keep that sanity, because we are all in it together after all.
Stay strong, stay safe, stay wonderful.
Thank you so much for all your love and support these past few months…Couldn’t do it without you. See you in the next one…
Kelly & George x